Skilled Urban Survivor

Archive for the ‘Self-reliance’ Category

Got this from my mother-in-law in an email. Too good not to share. Applys to small towns too.

Listen up City Slickers!

1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.

2. Turn your cap right, your head isn’t crooked.

3. Let’s get this straight; it’s called a ‘dirt road.’ I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you’re going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.

4. They are cattle. They’re live steaks. That’s why they smell funny to you. But they smell like money to us. Get over it. Don’t like it? I-80 goes North and South, I-84 goes East and West. Pick one.

5. So you have a $60,000 car. We’re impressed. We have $350,000 combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year.

6. So every person in rural Utah waves. It’s called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.

7. If that cell phone rings while an 8-point buck and 3 does are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don’t have it up to your ear at the time.

8. Yeah, we eat tater’s, gravy, beans and cornbread. You really want sushi and caviar? It’s available at Jim’s bait shop.

9. The ‘Opener’ refers to the first day of deer season. It’s religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.

10. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.

11. No, there’s no ‘vegetarian special’ on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef’s Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.

12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three seasonings – salt, pepper, and ketchup. Oh, yeah… We don’t care what you folks in California call that stuff you eat … IT AIN’ T REAL CHILI!!

13. You bring ‘coke’ into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice.

14. You bring ‘Mary Jane’ into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

15. College and high school football are as important here as the Lakers and the Clippers… and more fun to watch.

16. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don’t hit the water hazards — it spooks the fish.

17. Colleges? We have them all. We have State Universities , Community Colleges, and Vo-tech’s. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country , and they still wave at everybody when they come for the holidays.

18. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump crap ain’t music, anyway. We don’t want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers. Refer back to #1.

19. Four inches of snow isn’t a blizzard – it’s a flurry. Drive in it like you got some sense, and DON’T take all our bread, milk, and bleach from the grocery stores. This ain’t Alaska . Worst case you may have to live a whole day without croissants. The pickups with snowplows will have you out the next day.

20.By the way…. if you want to talk to God in Utah , it’s a local call.

We’re having a huge gathering of family and friend at our place this year for Thanksgiving. We decided that we’re going to eat in the barn and we bought a new space heater so everyone stays warm. We don’t keep animals there. It’s strictly for equipment and working, but since we don’t have a 5th wheeler or a bunch of Jet-skis, there’s plenty of room for everyone to sit together at a very long table.
My wife loves to cook, but feeding 25 plus people by herself is not exactly her idea of fun for Thanksgiving. So everybody pitches in and brings stuff, she gets to cook a little and I do the turkey. This year, with the amount of people it will be two turkeys. And cooking two turkeys in one oven and having them ready- hot together is kind of an impossible feat. So out comes the deep fat fryer.
I’ve actually been using this method for almost 10 years. The turkey comes out moist and tender. You can use a cheap turkey and it tastes as good as the fancy butter basted, and it’s done in about half an hour.
I’m sure you’ve heard the horror stories of people burning down their houses. Or dropping frozen turkeys into boiling hot grease with a resultant geyser that would put Old Faithful to shame and issue catastrophic burns to the cook. Actually deep frying a turkey properly can take almost as much time as cooking the traditional way, the time spent being in preparation instead of actual cooking.
The first thing, like the traditional method is to thaw the turkey slowly in the fridge, two to three days before. Preparation begins the afternoon ahead of, when I start mixing the basting juice. Good thing it’s the afternoon before, because I’m pretty particular about my kitchen and folks not getting in my way.
First you clean the extras out of the cavity and wash it with warm water, then pat it dry a bit. Grandchildren have been known to scream and run when I pull out the basting hypo. Actually I feel like Steve Martin in Little Shop of Horrors. It’s a pretty powerful looking weapon. But I only use it on the bird, pushing my secret basting sauce deep within its muscle parts. Then the whole thing goes in the basting pan and sits in the fridge until I get ready to cook it the next day.
A few hours before dinner is going to be served. I take my tank of peanut oil outside and pour it in the fryer. It doesn’t matter if there is a foot of snow on the ground, frying a turkey is an outside job. Buying all that peanut oil can get a little pricey, but I strain it and re-use it. “According to the Texas Peanut Producers Board, peanut oil may be used three or four times to fry turkeys before signs of deterioration begin. Such indications include foaming, darkening or smoking excessively, indicating the oil must be discarded. Other signs of deteriorated oil include a rancid smell and/or failure to bubble when food is added.”
Peanut oil is the best because of its taste and high flash point, but you can use any cooking oil made for deep fat frying. Lowering the bird into the bubbling, sizzling oil should be done very slowly and carefully. Keep the oil temperature to between 325-350. Turkeys 12 pounds and under fry for 2-1/2 minutes per pound, and 12 pounds and over 3 minutes per pound. If your turkey is floating it is overcooked. Spectators should stand at least 10 feet back, and stay out of the way.
Deciding when the bird is done is somewhat tricky. Under cooked is generally better than over, to retain the moistness. We have been known to microwave turkey parts because they were a little too rare. Remember that the turkey will continue to cook internally, even after its pulled out of the oil. The heat of the oil sears the outside of the turkey and all of its natural juices, plus those that were injected stay inside. It’s what gives the meat its moisture and tenderness.
The deep-fat fryer, stand and propane tanks are some of the best investments that you can get for preparedness. My wife uses the set up in the summer to can with because it keeps all the heat and humidity out of the kitchen. Being able to quickly boil large amounts of water would come in very handy for washing and sterilizing water during an emergency and the whole set-up can be used for other cooking methods. We’ve done the turkey in the cast iron funnel cooker and that comes out pretty tasty too.
You won’t end up with a Norman Rockwell turkey if you prepare it this way, but frying a turkey is a taste-treat you won’t soon forget. The fat itself is not absorbed into the bird, so calorie wise, it makes no difference. Your wife will love you forever for keeping the turkey mess out of the kitchen. And you’ll be the hero of the Thanksgiving table with this moist, delicious bird.

Here’s a link to some more tips on injecting the turkey and some recipes for the marinade/basting juice: http://www.the-perfect-turkey.com/turkey-marinade.html